Happy Birthday, Dad

Nov 5

Today is not a special day for most of you unless its your birthday, or a loved ones birthday or unless something really spectacular happened to you today or something along those lines. Its just an ordinary Monday, filled with routine daily activities.

Well every Nov 5^th is a special day for me. It was / is my dad’s birthday. He died at a relatively young age back in 1989. I was 30. I will never forget his passing.

My dad had served in the United Stated Air Force for more than 24 years. Because of that, I was born in Bermuda, a place I hope to visit again someday. He retired from the Air Force after having a massive heart attack. He was stationed at Maguire / Ft. Dix, New Jersey and we had been on a shopping trip to New York. We stopped on the way home to eat and he started having a heart attack. Of course, we didn’t know what was going on, only that he didn’t look good and that he felt worse. My mom took over driving, and she ran every toll gate on the Jersey turnpike hoping to get stopped. We finally did get stopped when she ran through the gates at Maguire AFB. I was just a kid at the time and had never seen so many real guns and soldiers pointing them in all my life.

They didn’t do by-pass surgery back then, they didn’t even know what it was. They just air-lifted my dad to Walter Reid Army Hospital and gave him the best care tax dollars could afford. I was too young to even be allowed to visit him in his ward or room. He was there a very long time before I actually got to see him. He survived that and managed to receive retirement papers before be ordered back to Vietnam. Lucky break, sort of.

After he retired, we settled in Alabama. Dad had a friend in Jersey that had some farmland near Huntsville who had also retired from the Air Force. Bert and family located a nice house for us and my mom and dad rented the house for about a year sight unseen. When moving day came, we loaded up and headed south.

My folks were originally from the south, dad from North Carolina and mom from South Carolina. Families on both side thought they would settle back in one of those areas, but dad had different ideas. Alabama, bound!

My dad began work as a civil servant on Redstone Arsenal, but he didn’t care much for whatever he did. He went back to school at night (using the G.I. Bill) and garnished a business degree from himself. He took the Postal test and became a professional carrier. He loved that job. During his employment with the U.S.P.S. he suffered 2 more heart attacks and was eventually forced to take a medical retirement.

After his last heart attack, in which he had by-pass surgery, he went to work for a company out of Nashville. He became a route manager for ‘coffee service’ company. He loved it. He and mom got to travel all over North Alabama and Southern / Central Tennessee working new accounts and meeting people and just seeing the sites.

All his life, my dad was a hard working, honest, straight up guy. He never was the President of a company, or a country singing sensation or even a millionaire. He was just an ordinary guy. He worked his butt off and he took care of his family. He loved us all and everyone who knew him loved him back. He didn’t have an angry bone is his body and he cared about his family and the people he knew.

In August of 1989, I had been married for about 10 years and was busy working and raising my son and trying to make a life for my family. Weekends were spent doing stuff as a family or visiting with my folks or sometimes just resting. My dad loved o fish and often on Saturday nights or early Sunday mornings, he and I would slip off for a few hours of ‘drowning worms’ as he liked to call it.

Toward the end of that August, Dad and I had planned to go fishing on a Sunday morning. I had a small truck and picked him up about 5.00a that morning as we headed out to one of our favourite spots. I had noticed he had a cough. My dad had not smoked in 15 years so the cough was very noticeable.

After our fishing trip, when we arrived back at his place, I went in to spend some time with mom (hopefully for some good Sunday dinner). I helped her set the table and told her about the cough. I told her that dad needed to go get it checked out before it became something more serious.

My dad was one of those guys that didn’t like going to see a Doctor much, but since having 3 heart attacks, had to go all the time for check ups. He hated doing it, but he did it. Before I left their house that Sunday, I made him promise that he would go get checked.

Late in the week, roughly Wednesday or so, I called my folks to see what they found out. Dad had not been yet and he still had the cough. I went over to their house and I told my dad that if he didn’t go get checked by Friday that I would come over and pack him in the trunk and take him myself. He agreed to go on Friday since it was his ‘free Friday’.

About 3.00p that Friday, I got a call from my mom. She was at Fox Army Hospital on Redstone (this was when they still had one) and they had admitted my dad. His heart and respitory specialist were on the way. I left my job and headed there poste haste.

Sunday morning, I was getting dressed to take mom back to the hospital. It was all I could do to get her to go home Saturday night because they still didn’t know what was wrong with my father. They planned to move him Sunday or Monday to Ft. Benning, Ga., to get some more specialist involved to see what was going on. I convinced mom to go home with me on Saturday night, get some rest and pack up a few things. The Army would fly her with dad, but the wife and I had to fend for ourselves (meaning we had to drive down there and take 2 cars so mom wouldn’t be stranded at the hospital with no way to go anywhere).

I got a phone call from Fox Army Hospital at 7.32a. My father had passed away that morning. They had tried to reach mom, but thankfully she was in the shower and didn’t get the call. They don’t leave messages for things like this. I was stunned. I just said something stupid like ‘ok’ and ‘thank you’. They mentioned something about what to do when we got to the hospital but I have no idea to this day what was said.

I sat on the bed and cried for a long time. I realized at that point that Mom didn’t know and that I had to tell her. I called one of her best friends, 2 of them actually, and asked them to meet me here before I went over to see her. They agreed and one of the ladies agreed to drive to mom’s house and to the hospital for us.

When we pulled in the drive way, she somehow already knew. She said something to the effect that something was wrong because dad didn’t answer his phone. Then I guess she realized that I was not alone. She looked at me and her friends and simply said “well, let’s go.”

Not a word was said on that long drive. Not one. The Army met us at the gate with an escort and the jeep had its little flag at half mast. I never thought about that until now. Everyone was a nice as possible to us and they gave us lots of time with my father. We said our goodbyes that morning to a man that gave us everything.

I just wanted to take a little time today on this special day in my life and wish him another happy birthday. I wish he were here so we could celebrate together or maybe just go fishing. He gave so much and asked so little.

No, he wasn’t some great politician, or bank president or even anyone of any major significance outside of our family, but he was the greatest guy I will ever know. I am proud to be his son and I miss him every day. Some days are worse than others and today is one of those days.

For those of you who still have your parents, forget all that is not right between you, if anything. Take a minute of your busy life and just give them a call, let you know you care. I wish I could.

Vettie out…